I'm stuck in this place, Wanting to move and unleash my wing span and fly away but, i have these little things that keep saying stay or else you'll lose except I think I wont lose. I think i'll win i'm just scared, I'm scared but, if it was right wouldn't i be happier just staying?? -- We all ask our selves this when want to just settle for a little bit less then what we wanted.
I miss my life with my friends and quiet nights of riding my bike over or sitting with a friend in the middle of nowhere looking at the stars smoking cigarettes and figuring out life's big questions together and laughing uncontrollably. Although even with that life i was lonely but, i knew it and i had those moments of happiness. they happen'd it wasn't what i wanted at the time but, now looking back i'd probably sell my soul to watch it all in a movie one more time.
My life hasn't begun and I feel as if it has ended. Well i'm living life right now & now but, I mean my dreams? seems so far out of the question that they are almost non-existent. where am with out my friends & family? or how about where are you with out your friends and family? Where are you without your hobbies, likes and dislikes. What if you felt you couldn't do ether or no one encouraged you to do them. You'd be a lost person.. no longer living for one self and ultimately your life is meant for you. So I ask myself? Is it worth it? or is there a purpose as to why i feel i must continue on this path? and WHY IN THE HELL IS IT SO HARD TO JUST LET IT GO?
Maybe it's because i'm alone? and don't have anyone but really this is a pattern i'm beginning to see, My unhappiness it follows me. Pick a new a life and start fresh.. "ooo" "ahh".. oh no here it comes now the water works, the pain and the constant roller coaster of questions of why me? what now? God oh God take this away?
But, oh wait!!! i'm having an epiphany!
Maybe if I just accepted myself and allowed myself to like and dislike and be who i am and work for myself and did things i liked to do? instead trying to be something i'm not.... Realization of something so simply said but so BLEEPING hard. or maybe.. i'm just meant to be an actor since i'm constantly playing pretend. Well, If i have lost you? :| then i have also lost myself. So i'll leave you on that note.
Your's Truly
Ella mentry
